Sometimes I think back to my time in high school. I was so incredibly passionate back then. I was able to feel so much, and now it's like there's nothing there. I swear I could remember every single moment from the beginning of 2003 to the middle of 2005. I can't remember anything now. Back then there were amazing moments, and completely horrible ones. Now I just hope I can remember the moment E asked me to marry him. There were times back then when I honestly thought I might be swallowed by my emotions. It was almost as if I was manic. Sometimes the feelings were terrible, but at least they were present.
I hate so much that ex got to experience my passion. He didn't deserve to know that person, and now that I've found someone who does my passion is gone. I hate the fact that ex made me afraid to be myself. I was drained for a year and a half of everything wonderful that I had built up inside of me. I've gotten better since then, but I'm still not as happy as I was. I want to be able to give all of myself to E. Everyday that goes by I'm cheating him, as well as myself, out of just how amazing our life together could be. I need to do things differently.
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