For the past three years it seems at least once a month I have a friend inform me that they have just recently gotten engaged and are now in the process of planning their nuptials. While I'm always happy to hear that a friend has found their one and only, I have always dreaded the inevitable turn in conversation to how 'incredibly hard' planning a wedding can be. Whenever the conversation veers in this direction I tend to scoff in disbelief, thinking that either A) My friend is just looking for excuse to prolong wedding talk or B) Friend is being a crazy bitch about her wedding and making it much more difficult than it needs to be.
When I worked in the Junior's department of Dillard's I had a friend named Jo who worked in Women's Shoes. Jo was a couple years older than me, and one of the coolest people I have ever met in my entire life. She had a pretty rough upbringing, and because of this as an adult she was a no nonsense, no BS type of woman. Imagine my surprise then, when one boring day at Dillard's I took a quick jaunt away from my section to Women's Shoes and found Jo with her head in her hands crying hysterically. Being the observant person I am I exclaimed, "Jo! You're crying!" Like I said, I'm quite observant.Jo looked up for a quick second to acknowledge my presence before going back to crying. Thinking that perhaps it would be best if I let Jo cry in solitude (I know that's how I prefer to cry), I started slowly backing away from the counter she was standing behind. Then Jo said something that I would have never expected from someone like her, "I guess planning this wedding is really just getting the best out of me." I was shocked and horrified. How could one of my kick ass female role models possibly be falling into this utterly girly/pathetic trap of wedding obsession? My nineteen year old self was absolutely appalled by what I considered to be the utter failure of a fellow feminist. Though my sensibilities were thoroughly offended I did my best to comfort Jo for the next few minutes until Area Sales Manager from Hell approached and banished me back to the Junior's Department. While I remained friends with Jo after this horrifying incident, I am sorry to say I never saw her as quite the same kick ass feminist I had beforehand.
Until now. Now that I'm engaged my views on wedding planning and what it takes have completely changed. That is, I'm fairly certain I am experiencing payback for my previous lack of sympathy in the form of negative wedding karma. Absolutely everything that could go wrong with wedding planning has gone wrong. Here's a small list of just a few of my biggest annoyances:
1.)We planned the wedding making sure E would have time off of school and work. We of course, never planned on him getting a job that would require he be present for training in Lexington the morning after our wedding in Iowa. It happened. Guess I'm going to end up being one of those lame people who don't have sex on their wedding night.
2.)We wanted a small wedding of about thirty people and found a small venue/reception site accordingly. Somehow between parental invites and word of mouth our guest list has exploded. Now instead of a small quiet wedding we're just praying our wedding doesn't get busted up by police for fire code violations.
3.)Two of our more "persistent" exes have discovered we're getting married. We're now dodging phone calls and considering placing a "do not let these people into building under any circumstance" sign with our exes pictures on them at the entrance of the wedding venue. However, on the upside this may provide me with a follow up to my "Bitch Please" post, this time entitled "It's Time to Move On Asshole".
These of course, are just a few of the many annoyances I feel have been bestowed upon as karmic retribution. So what's the point of this post? Mainly, I just wanted to bitch. But also, if you happen to be attending my wedding and notice that I'm not at my own reception by five, I ask you to do me a favor and call the local bail bondsman. I've never been in a fight before, but I swear, I'm teetering on the brink of loosing it.
Photo Credit: {karenmphotos} & {zzilch}
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