It's Labor Day!

The fireworks last night were AMAZING, way better than I expected! When I first heard that 500,000 people were expected to show up to our humble city to enjoy the festivities I was a bit skeptical. I mean, Cincinnati? Really? If E and I hadn't made the mistake of moving here, I'm pretty sure there's nothing that could get us visit the city on our own volition. But after watching the show I can see why people might make the journey up here. And let me tell you, they made the journey...

The city was absolutely packed! We thought about taking the TANK shuttle downtown so we wouldn't have to worry about parking (or the possibility that our catalytic converter would be riped off), but we just weren't ready to head out when the final shuttle leaving for downtown departed at 6. E was making Chinese and we were still debating about whether or not we even wanted to watch the fireworks on the Cincinnati side of the river. Everything ended up working out for the best though; we found out about Devou Park in Covington and decided to head out there around seven.

The ride to Covington was absolutely crazy; since we live on the east side we ended up having to hit pretty much all of the major roads in the city to get to the park. People were backed up all over the place, and like any other time there's traffic, people were being completely ridiculous. Some jacket in front of us on 471 decided to leave the rest of traffic by exiting on an ENTRANCE ramp... Do people not realize they're just going to cause more traffic for everyone else when they cause an accident? Oh well. At least E was driving because, although he was thoroughly confused by people's driving behavior, we did manage to get there in one piece. If I had been driving my anger probably would have gotten us killed. Luckily, I was not driving. Instead, I kept myself occupied trying to count just how many boats were on the river. A lot...

When we finally got to Devou Park we realized that we had picked the perfect place. We found parking almost right away and quickly noticed that the people around us were mostly families and probably wouldn't be causing too many problems. The view was amazing and the park was just pleasant all around. There was really only one negative aspect of the night, and it happened with E went to use the porta-potty... Now, I wasn't there, but the way he tells it, everyone in line was using the system where they try to get in and out as quickly as possible, so they weren't locking the door when they went in. So, when E went in he didn't lock the door thinking that everyone understood the system. Well, while he was taking care of things some dude opens the door. Luckily no one could see anything, but still. E said he was just going to let it go, but when he left the bathroom the guy who opened the door on him had the audacity to say something about him not locking the door. E looked around, saw that no one else had their doors locked and proceeded to ask the guy why he hadn't opened those doors. He said girls were using those... What I'd like to know is, why did this guy know who was in each of the facilities, and if he knew that the door he was opening had a guy in it, why would that make him want to open it? I don't know, but E was quite annoyed by the time he rejoined me at the blanket.

The fireworks started around 9pm. Like I said, they were spectacular! Unfortunately, my camera died right before the actual fireworks were about to start. The only pictures I ended up getting were a couple pictures of these "fireballs" they set off. Oh well, I still enjoyed everything. When the fireworks ended E and I were expecting that it would take us a few hours to get out of the park and back home, but were pleasantly surprised when we slipped right out of our parking spot and made it home in about twenty minutes! If we're still in Cincinnati next year at this time we're definitely going back to Devou Park for the fireworks. Best location ever! There's not much going on today. E had to work so I'm just sitting around trying to convince myself to do homework. I wish there were fireworks to look forward to everyday...

Improvements

There are some things changing around my apartment as of late. It all started when E decided he was going to go back to school to get his bachelors. He already has his associates in law enforcement, but after experiencing the Cincinnati hiring process he realized he's going to need more of an edge to get on at a major station. So... He applied to EKU in Kentucky and was accepted for this semester. Now, you're probably wondering how E can attend school in Kentucky when we live in Ohio. Originally, the plan was for E to finish the rest of his degree online (he only has two years left. Unfortunately, his program at EKU wasn't too agreeable with that plan. After going to meet with counselors to pick out his classes he was told that he couldn't complete the program unless he was on campus. E was of course, crushed. Fortunately, we worked a plan out with them where he could take his electives and the few law enforcement classes that are offered online during the next two semesters, then when our lease is up in May we'll move down to Richmond so he can finish his campus courses. Our plans for moving to Portland will be put off for a little bit longer, but it will be worth it in order for E to finish his bachelors.

So that was the first change, which went on to spark a bunch of other changes. Because E is going back to school, money is a little bit tighter around here. He's still working full time, but he can't take the kind of overtime that he was before school started. To save some money we've decided to start cooking more instead of going out to eat. Now, we've not done much cooking at all since we've moved in together. In fact, neither one of us have ever done much cooking. We're going to try to designate two cooking nights a week to make all of our dishes and then eat off of those for the rest of the week. A couple of the things we're going to attempt this week are: beef tempura, hunan chicken, and beef stroganoff. Actually, those are the dishes E's going to try. Too much meat for me! I'm going to look into some yummy vegetarian dishes.

Next change? The both of us are officially in workout mode. I'm about 10 lbs. over my ideal weight and I want to change that. I gained about 5lbs during my first year of college, which really wasn't that big of an issue to me. But then I've gained another 5 since we've moved to Cincinnati! E is also wanting to loose some weight, but is mostly concerned about getting in shape so he can do well at his police physicals after graduating. Right now I'm walking everyday and E's lifting. As son as it cools down a little (it's still freakin' hot here!) we're going to start running together. I'm so nervous about running with my boyfriend. I haven't run much at all since highschool, and I'm afraid I'll embarrass myself. I don't want to slow E down. Maybe I'll have to start running on my own in the morning so I'll be ready to run together when it cools down.

Ok, well that's most of what's been going on lately. Right now I'm watching Chicago on dvd and cuddling with Adin. E should be home from work around 9:30 and then we should have tomorrow off together. I'm SO excited for the WEBN fireworks tomorrow. People have been talking about them ever since we've moved out here, so I imagine they'll be amazing! I'm a bit worried about having to take the shuttle (what if we get left behind afterwards?), but I should get some great pictures out of it. Chicago is getting good so I better get going. I'll try to put up pictures of the fireworks tomorrow night!

Mental Health

The study/subject of psychology has always been very important in my family. Both of my parents graduated college with their BA in psychology, raised my brother and me on the principles of behaviorism, and eventually encouraged me to look into a career involving psychology. So, knowing that I value the mental health of others, is it really any surprise that I'm in need of some help myself?

Since I've started college I've suffered on and off from panic attacks. I know the cause of the problem, I've just unsure how to go about fixing it. Finally, after much prodding by my family, I've made an appointment to go talk about it with a counselor. Hopefully she and I can think up a way to get my panic under control and still get me through college in a timely fashion. I'm also hoping she'll have some ideas for me about getting into grad school and setting up a life plan for the next couple years of my life. That's a major concern for me right now, as I'm sure it is for anyone who's about to graduate college.

There is one thing that I don't need a counselors help figuring out... I want E to ask me to marry him! I know we don't have the money right now, but I'm SO ready for us to be married. Every morning I wake up and feel lucky to have him in my life, and just incredibly proud of our relationship. Is it terrible that I can't wait to seal the deal and make him mine forever? Haha.

Not So Excruciatingly Long

I go from a post about a long boring week, to a post about two of the least boring weeks I've had in quite a while.

E and I got back from Iowa last Thursday. The trip went pretty well overall. I spent the first night with E's family. This was one of the first times I've been around them, and the absolute first time I've ever spent the night at their place. I was a little nervous at first but everything was great, and I really do love his family (especially his mom's cooking!). While I started out in Iowa City, most of my trip was spent in my hometown with my family, trying to avoid my ex. Why is it that the people you want to avoid are always the first to know you're back in town? I also hung out with Heidi a few times, watched The Worst of American Idol seasons 1-4, talked about her boy troubles, and ate Pizza Hut (always a mistake). Towards the end of the trip I headed back up to Iowa City to have lunch and dinner with a few friends, and just spend a day or two in Iowa hanging out with E.

While last week was great, I'd say this week has actually been better. Once E and I got back to town we were lucky enough to have Friday off together. We spent the day doing pretty much nothing, and loving every minute of it! Then, my mom got into town Saturday, so Sunday afternoon I drove down to my grandma's (where my mom's staying)to send time with her and do a little swimming. Finally, today my mom came up here to help E bargain on a new car. Yes, we now drive matching cars... Ok, not exactly. Mine is a couple years older than his and red while his is a champagne color. But still, very shameful. What's next, matching sweaters?

Excruciatingly Long Week

Have you noticed the week before vacation seems to go on forever? That's exactly what's happening to me right now.

My sublease in Iowa ends this month, so I need to make sure the place is cleaned from top to bottom before management comes in to asses for damages. Although this task should only take a few hours, E and I have managed to turn it into a week long vacation. We are officially the king and queen of senseless justifications! Senselessness aside, our main purpose for extending our stay was to spend some much needed time with our friends and families. I've been pretty homesick lately and I think E is missing his friends more than he cares to admit. I knew it was time to get him home when he actually expressed concern over one of his friends Facebook entries. Really? This coming from the man who hasn't called his best friend once since we've been dating, because it would seem like he "cared too much"? Guys are weird...

Exact plans for Iowa? I have a vague list of things I hope to do: attend my brother's 19th birthday party, hangout with my family, celebrate my best friends 22nd birthday, meet E's half sister, spend time with my friend Lydia, and just relax. I'm really excited to spend time with E's family, especially since it will be his dad's side. I've only met his dad once, but he seems great. I can actually see myself marrying into E's family, something I couldn't say about any of my previous boyfriend's families.

Besides being the week before vacation, this week is long for another reason. I refer to it as the monthly Week of Deprivation. Honestly, I waited twenty years to have sex. I think that was long enough! Why should I also have to abstain from sex 25% of the month, every month? Ugh! It doesn't help that E seems to look especially good during the third week of every month.

Perfection

Two of my all time favorite things...

Sunday mornings with E and Adin


And the inspiration for this blog


Combine to create the perfect day.

Past and Current Guilt

I've always thought of myself as a fairly trustworthy girl. I'm the girl that would tell her teacher that she lost her homework on the bus and actually be believed; I'm the girl that never lied to my parents about where I was going. I'm also the girl that has been trusted by all of her boyfriends, deservedly or not.

Not a lot of people know this, but I met E while I was in another relationship. From the instant I met him I realized there was something pulling us together. Every time we came in contact I could almost feel the electricity pulsing between us. More than anything I wanted him to kiss me, to tell me he felt as desperately for me as I did for him. However, I couldn't allow this to happen. As I said, I was still in another relationship. A year and a half relationship with a man who was very kind to me, cared for me greatly, and that I respected a lot. There was absolutely nothing bad I could say about the relationship, except I wasn't with E.

Although I felt a connection to E the first time I met him, it took me seven months to come to terms with it. I felt like a terrible person. There I was in a relationship with someone who wanted to marry me, start a family with me, yet all I could think about was this man I barely knew. Thinking about what I wanted to do with him, what we would talk about, how we would feel together. I realized early on that I wouldn't be able to resist sexual advances E might make toward me, and that I'd have to be diligent in my efforts to avoid him in order to remain faithful. And I was, to a certain extent. For seven months I spent my work hours listening for the sounds of E's keys, being the furthest associate from the phone, and refusing to be involved with the loss prevention office (where E worked). I did everything I could to avoid any sort of physical connection with E. Unfortunatley, that didn't prevent me from connecting with him in other ways...

Though I made every attempt to prevent any physical cheating, I had a harder time shutting myself off emotionally. When E was able to track me down we always had the most amazing conversations. Not because they were about anything important or intellectual, it was the simple fact that he got me. He was able to keep up with my weird, quirky, occasionally inane conversations, a feat very few people were interested in taking on. Conversations with E were what I imagined sex would be like. Two people that really got each other, and knew how to push each other's buttons just right...

It eventually became too much. Around the six month mark I was having a hard time keeping my thoughts off of E. I started feeling the need to talk about him with my friends, and my relationship with my then boyfriend started to become harder to justify. I had never had the connection with him that I felt with E, but it was never a problem until I realized what I'd been missing. I knew it was unfair. My boyfriend could obviously tell that I had feelings for E, though I'd never admit it, and I could tell I was making him feel like a second choice. We began arguing more frequently about stupid things. Finally we broke up. It happened during a fight regarding our living situation; we were arguing about whether it was ok for him to move out of our apartment. All I could think about was how hard our relationship had become, and how easy it was to talk to E. I guess I just snapped. I told my boyfriend I was done, that we'd be better off without each other.

E and I started dating about three weeks after I ended that two year relationship. Though everything has been good since then, I wish I could change one thing... I wish the beginning of our relationship wasn't marred by what has ultimately become the most shameful period of my life. The seven months period where I was dating one man, but desperately in love with another. The seven months where I had to constantly remind myself that it wasn't ok to be physical with the man I loved, because he wasn't the man that I was dating. Really, I just want those memories to go away. I just want to be able to believe people when they tell me how nice, considerate, and trustworthy I am. Most of all, I want to believe myself when I say what happened to me and my ex could never happen to me and E.